Footballing definitions
Football: A game consisting of 22 skilled players, one impartial referee, two eagle eyed referee's assistants and one stupid ball.
Teammate: Another person that you have to dribble around
Fans: Two sets of absusive referees
Offside: The Bermuda Triangle area of the pitch where "innocent" players are drawn towards.
Scoring: When 11 men spontaneously start dancing and kissing, regardless of any injuries, whilst 11 others droop like wallflowers
Striker: Faultless, overpaid, box hogging layabout who only misses the goal when he is fed a bad ball
Defender: Player who's function is to commit fouls just outside of the penalty area
Ball: Round object used by referees to entice players into comitting fouls
